


Nobody Can Fix Me If I'm Part Of The Problem

by fandomstakeoveryourlife



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, M/M, Scars, flaws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 05:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13757517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomstakeoveryourlife/pseuds/fandomstakeoveryourlife
Summary: By no means, was Kylo Ren, a beautiful man.





	Nobody Can Fix Me If I'm Part Of The Problem

By no means, was Kylo Ren, a beautiful man. 

Hux could see that. His eyes were not stupidly blinded by love to the large hook of a nose that protruded crookedly from the man's face. It appeared like a beak to many a person and one could not easily have ignored it or passed over it with a flickering glance. Nor the way it twisted a little unevenly at the bridge, as if it had been broken at least twice during his younger years, possibly during childish foolishness, or training, maybe even during a form of snappish discipline. 

He did not miss the obscenely pasty, white skin that seemed to stretch over his sharp cheek bones, smeared with smatterings of freckles, that were painfully obvious against the stark, pale flesh of his face. Their tonal browns stood out permanently from his face, earning him an almost boyish look from certain angles. They reminded one that Ren was merely a few years mature of an irresponsible boy, and barely capable or mature enough to lead the entirety of the First Order, alone.

His wide, dark eyes were noticeable too. His irises were almost black, making his pupil seem to disappear and leave a single, dark blob in the center of a sea of veiny, white eye. They appeared to notice everything, darting sharply back and forth with carefully calculate movement, taking in every small detail and committing it to memory. The eyelashes that thickly coated the waterline edges of the eyes, were unnaturally long for a man such as him. They whispered against his skin as he blinked, fluttering unconsciously. They added an almost feminine edge to his features, on occasion, made him look more fragile and delicate, though this was a man leading the First Order and ordering the deaths of hundreds daily.

Sometimes, Hux would find himself studying Ren's face, picking out flaw after flaw, like the bruising under said shadowy eyes. The dark smudges seemed to increase in size, every day. They made Ren's face appear even more pale than it actually was, creating a stark, sharp contrast, though they did not make him look weak. The bruises outlined deep creasing bags under the blackening eyes of the man, making them stand out more prominent on his face, etched deep into his skin, as if they'd always been there, and always would be. On occasion, Hux found himself resisting the urge to command the young leader to leave the control bridge and go get a decent night's sleep. 

The thick set eyebrows that squatted squarely above his eyes, were another thing. They were as black as Ren's eyes themselves, the same almost midnight shade as his hair. 'Organised Chaos' was the phrase that struck Hux when he looked at them. They were well kept and formed, yet so wild and uncontrolled in their intensity and demeanor. The blocks of inky hairs added a whole new level of intimidation to Ren's face, especially when he scowled like a child or quirked one in a mocking, yet passive aggressive way. Hux did not find himself afraid, though. It just caused curiosity to explode in his mind, filling his head with uncontrollable thoughts.

Ren's lips, like his nose, and his eyes, and his eyebrows, were prominent and full set. They curved delicately at the edges and were rounded in a way that was definitely not common among masculine leaders, nor anyone of the First Order. These, too, added a look of femininity to his hard set features. Had the two of them been under different circumstances, Hux may not have seen said lips as a flaw. Yet, now, he did. Ren was a feared leader, plus, Hux had found himself staring pointedly at these lips, imagining what they would feel like against his own. How they would tint pinkish purple red after a long overdue, heavy make out session. He would realise what he was doing and shake himself out of his stupor, scolding his own carelessness and stupidity. What a fool he was, staring in the shameless way that he had.

His hair was another thing that was not simply overlooked. It was highly impractical and improper for a man in his position. Yet, Ren seemed irritatingly attached to his jaw length, midnight black hair. Hux wasn't sure how often his leader washed his hair, yet it always seemed to impossibly ungreasy. It framed his long face perfectly, loosely curled ringlets and delicate waves hanging naturally down around his sharp cheek bones and clenched jaw. Every now and again, Hux would feel the strange urge to cast his fingers through said irresistible curls, or gently brush a stray loop of raven hair from the sweaty forehead of his stressed commander. He, personally, thought male leaders, such as Ren, should be showing their strength and masculinity by having short, well kept hair, not annoying long, curled hair.

Frequently, Hux found himself arguing internally on whether Ren's strong jawline was a flaw or not. It was well formed and curved just enough that it didn't look like it was quite splitting through that pale skin of his. Yet, it was still sharp enough that Hux could probably have cut open his skin, had he ran the soft pad of his finger along the raw, prominent edge of it. Though, at times, it made Ren look slimmer than he was, like he was skinny enough for his jaw to protrude in such an ugly way, like he could be snapped in one's hand. 

On the morning's after a late night of planning attacks and forming strategies, Ren would frequent to entering the control bridge with a shadow of stubble ghosting over his jaw, up his inwardly curved cheeks and across his chin and upper lip; this was commonly paired with even deeper bruises beneath his tiresome eyes. His unshaven jaw made him appear impossibly older and endlessly haggard. Whenever he entered the bridge with a dark shade casting across his face, Hux knew to be wary and step lightly, or he'd inevitably end up being painfully force choked up against one of the walls.

One could not forget the most obvious flaw on Ren's face: his scars. The most prominent one was of course the deep gash that struck through his right eye, though there were others too. There was a small, pink puckered scar that curved upwards from the left side of his upper lip. Ren had said it was from his childhood, an accident of some kind; he'd never gone into more detail than that. Another one included the shallow scar that dipped down into his forehead, usually hidden neatly under that obscene fringe of his. Hux didn't know anything about that one, other than Ren didn't like to talk about it. The huge scar that slashed through his eye, was still a sore point, and so Hux avoided asking about it, or really mentioning it at all. 

And now, as Hux lay on his side, propping himself up with his left elbow, a white sheet half wrapped around his naked waist, he watched Ren enter in from the bathroom, droplets of water still clinging to his skin and dripping from his damp hair. Ren blinked at him, then dropped the towel from his waist and padded in the direction of his wardrobe. Hux watched the muscles shift soundlessly beneath his pale flesh, tensing and relaxing. 

Hux kept his eyes above Ren's waist line and studied the many more scars decorating his torso and arms. A thick one, similar to the one through his eye, curved down through his left pec and towards his toned stomach. Another raised, puckered scar cut straight through his belly button, twisting it in a way that made Hux's stomach twist itself. The skin of his torso was just as pale as his face, and it made Hux feel weirdly insecure, even though he was not ashamed of his own body in any way. He himself exercise enough to obtain and maintain a leanly muscled body, partnered with a unnaturally pale skin that could appear almost translucent at times.

Turning away from Hux, Ren presented him with his firm, naked buttocks. Hux felt something stir in his lower region, and refocused his gaze on the scarred skin of Ren's back. Nearer his upper back, there were several overlapping and crisscrossing scars, where the skin was especially pink and puckered and the scar tissue had caused the skin to heal in swollen malformed lumps and ridges. It almost looked as if the skin had melted like cheese and solidified again in thick mounds. Hux's stomach twisted at the thought of what could have caused such horrific scars. He tried not to imagine how the wounds had looked.

Ren pulled his undershirt over his head, messing up his curled locks of raven black hair. He turned back to Hux and looked at him expectantly. 

"Get up then." 

When Hux made no attempt to move, Ren heaved a sigh and sent him an irritated, dark look.

"We can't enter the bridge together; I will leave now and you will get there ten minutes after me."

Hux blinked slowly at Ren, then nodded just as slowly. His head felt strange that morning, as if it was full of cotton wool.

"Good." Ren made to leave, then paused at the door. 

"Take a shower; your hair is a mess." He spoke without turning to face Hux, then left through the door. 

Hux allowed a small smile to ghost his lips. 

"I love you too."


End file.
